Would you like me more if I was a Democrat?

When I have children I am not going to let them watch Robin Hood.  I don’t want them thinking stealing from the rich can be justified in any way, even if you’re giving it away to poor folk.  Yeah, that King John was a real bastard.  But that’s his money.  You can’t steal it. 

I don’t know why this idea is so popular and trendy, especially among people my age.  I saw this movie almost a year ago and this one line has stuck with me.  The movie is called The Edukators.  It’s a German film about kids in their 20s who just want to change the world.  They are sick of the injustices that go on in the world, so they protest daily in the streets.  They hand out flyers and try to make people aware.  No harm in that, right?  They take it one step further, though.  The three of them find out when rich families are going to be gone on vacation or something.  The kids break into the home, rearrange their furniture and put random things in random places just to freak them out a bit.  Then they leave a note that says, “Your days of plenty are numbered.”  They don’t steal anything.  They just want to teach them a lesson.  One of the wealthy victims of these bizarre crimes says the line that stuck with me:  “If you’re older than 30 and a Democrat, you’re an idiot.  If you’re younger than 30 and a Republican, you’re heartless.”  (It goes something like that.)  Anyway, when I watched that I thought, “That’s so true!” 

But I’d like to add on to that.  Not only are you considered compassionate as a young person Democrat, but trendy.  So trendy, in fact, that you would never find a McCain t-shirt in a young clothing store.  But look around and you’re bound to find Obama shirts promising hope.  Hope for what, by the way?  Yeah, I know our country has definitely taken a turn for the worse after some bad administrations and really disastrous decisions.  And I know we’re in an economic recession.  But these kids that are wearing HOPE t-shirts aren’t in too much trouble, right?  They have enough money to buy a $38 t-shirt at Urban Outfitters.  (It’s just a cotton tee with Obama’s face screen printed on it…and probably made by tiny, pitiful children in India, by the way.)  This is a nation-wide store.  Not just in blue California, where the sun shines bright and you’re cool if you wear skinny jeans, huge sunglasses, and hold two fingers up in a peace sign (which is the equivalent to the giving the middle finger in England.) 

Let’s talk about California a little bit, shall we?  But more specifically, let’s talk about Hollywood.  I have been asking myself this question for some time now:  why are all the celebrities Democrats?  Seriously, almost all of them.  Most of these people are making well over $250,000 a year.  And if Obama is president they will be taxed more than anyone else in the nation.  Why are they okay with this?  They worked damn hard for their money, and they are fine with throwing it all away.  Oh, I’m sorry.  They’re okay with giving it to the poor people.  Well, okay, let’s clarify even more.  They’re okay with giving it to the government who promises to give it to the poor people, after they’ve finished using it up for their pet projects and think tanks and what not.  In the latest issue of Bazaar magazine, Drew Barrymore is featured advocating Obama.  She wears a t-shirt that says “Time For A Change.”  That’s great.  She wants change.  Who doesn’t?  I want to change our situation as much as anyone else.  Drew and I want change in different ways, sure.  I just don’t have magazines chasing after me to do a photoshoot and article about how I love America.  I have this blog though.  Which a million people read.  So I’m lucky.  Drew does say in the article, “I stay under the radar as much as this celebrity bullshit will let me, and I don’t thump on every cause.”  Okay.  Sure.  I haven’t heard her yelling at me for not driving a Prius.  But I do get that enough from every other celebrity in Hollywood.  But here’s something else Drew says:  “I can’t imagine why we all don’t desperately want to take care of each other.”  Well, yeah, when you say it like that I sound incredibly heartless for being conservative.  Not to mention like, totally, uncool man.  (By the by, I’m all for helping people out.  I’m not a total Rand fanatic.  I just don’t think government should have anything to do with it.)

In short (not really at all actually), if you want to be cool, go to an art show, wear peace sign earrings, your new Obama t-shirt, vintage exercise shorts, Toms shoes, and big, expensive sunglasses.  Oh and ride your bike.  Because you alone will save this globe from burning.  It is virtually impossible to be a conservative hipster.