Burn After Laughing So Hard You Might Make Weird Noises

Burn After Reading wasn't the best Coen Bros movie, but it certainly made me laugh, and scream, and, squeal, and shrink in my chair, and stare wide-eyed at the screen desperately wishing the scene to pass but hoping I can watch John Malkovich continue articulating his tautology of "What the fuck" at the idiocy of every human being in film. The plot is too ridiculous and nugatory to explain in detail, only because we learn in the end that the jaw dropping turn of events have no real meaning at all. Of course, you must pay attention when someone tells you not to pay attention.

The movie is more than just a "Man Who Knew Too Much," first of all because the man, and woman, know nothing at all, and second of all because there is nothing to know in the first place. Linda Litzke tries her hardest to be in control of the situation, never keeping her mouth shut or turning away pretending she didn't find a disc with "secret spy shit". She has to take it to the Russians, of course, because only they will have interest in the numbers and dates and dates and numbers. She probably didn't get the memo that the looming war some have called cold is over. And similarly, Harry Pfarrer seems in complete control throughout the movie, despite the suspicious looks and cars that follow him around. He sleeps with whomever he pleases, but tells his wife that he's crazy about her because he has the keep that constant in his life, whichever type of wood the floor he is standing on might be made of. His paranoia about the food he eats is always false; he never has an allergic reaction to any of it, to the cheese or shell fish. But when he accidentally kills the unidentified man in the closet, he suddenly becomes paranoid to the point of accusing poor little flabby-armed Linda Litzkey of being in on it. All of this lunacy happens in the nation's capital, which has become a sort of panopticon, while the CIA has strict orders to "watch them and see what they do and report back when it makes sense," turning Harry around in a 360 to see people watching him from every angle.

Linda Litzke is fully aware of her sought-after position at Hardbodies as a face to the public, so she has dedicated her life to getting enough money to get 4 extensive plastic surgeries. The filming and lighting through the movie is completely unflattering to everyone. I find almost myself endorsing Linda's taking drastic measures to become the iconic beauty so she can find that special someone with whom to laugh at "Coming Up Daisies". But then I realize she's crazy, and liposuction will only make her as fake as the smiling heads on television and will do nothing for her spastic personality. I want her so badly to stop noticing the strangers that are watching her, but look into the glass office at Hardbodies to find the ex-Greek Orthodox priest who's been pining after her while she internet dates and complains about her loneliness. She doesn't see the his previous position in the church as a fulfilled way of life, but merely points out that "that's a good job." She recognizes the importance of security and stability, but still becomes entangled in a chaotic blackmail attempt, putting her best friend in danger. Osbourne Cox kills the next idiotic person he sees, with drink in hand, because he has been surrounded by morons and is just sick of it. I'm sorry to say that I condone Cox in his drunken decision.

As far as performances go, this is the first movie I have seen with John Malkovich and now understand why he rubs some people the wrong way. But I loved him and his arrogance and his careful pronunciations while castigating the most moronic people in DC. George Clooney is always a charmer and a fine actor. Frances McDormand's was by the far the most memorable performance. I don't know what to say about her besides commenting on her commitment and seemingly perfect fit for this role, and nearly every other role in which I've seen her. Tilda Swinton was great because I hated her so much in the film. And I'm sorry to say, but Brad Pitt was more distracting than anything. His comedy was the type of church Youth Group skit comedy, formulated and preplanned. I felt like I was being told when to laugh. I did not find the way he drank his water bottle funny however. But I guess it was nice to see Brad do a less smoldering role.

This movie was one of the funniest I've seen in a long time, but I didn't know why I was laughing at such horrifically true situations. Even though the audience was small at the 2 dollar theater, it was a good one. There was one lady in the front who kept snorting she was laughing so hard. So every punch line got two sets of laughter, one for the joke and one for the lady's ridiculous snort. It was a wonderful dynamic. A good audience is sure to make the movie better, as long as you aren't too concerned about who's watching you.